Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
wow bdsm is so cute
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
