Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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