There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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