On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
