I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't think brook has ever known best
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
