The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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