Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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