dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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