When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
