I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
