The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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