I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
