I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
