I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
