Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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