Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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