Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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