I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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