I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
