This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
