just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize