she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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