I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i drank out of a bidet.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
