My cat gives me a boner
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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