Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
