youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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