i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
