The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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