I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
