i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
