Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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