Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize