I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
