am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
