I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
