Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
