When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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