If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
