I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize