Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
