Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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