Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
