My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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