My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
