Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
