i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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