I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
