just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
