Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
