So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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