Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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