So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
