Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
