apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
