What a fucking waste of an outfit
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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