either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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