So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
