Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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