On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
