I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
