I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
