i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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