Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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