Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
