she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
