First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
