Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
