She announced her abortion via fbk
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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